Simple, but not oversimplified
One of my favorite ways to help and guide clients is taking their goals, desired habits, and plans and helping them simplify them into something doable, exciting, and joyful.
At times, I see people on social media cautioning against oversimplifying. I think this can happen especially as people are drawn to pick from two ends of a spectrum rather than recognizing that there is a whole infinite space filled with opportunities in between. I’ll share one example today of how a desired outcome can be simplified, but what over simplifying it might look like.
I want to start exercising—every day! So I can lose 30 pounds.
This isn’t necessarily a bad or unhealthy goal, since exercise is a great option for bettering our health. This person hasn’t expressed what the exercise looks like, so I can’t say that it would be overdoing it. However, when people come to me with a goal that has very perfectionistic tendencies (using absolute words like every day, certain exact and arbitrary amount of weight to lose), it’s time to put on the simplifying techniques.
First I want to find out why. Why do they want to lose weight? Why do they want to use exercise as their strategy. Why every day? Why 30 pounds? By answering the why questions and digging a little deeper I almost always find that someone wants to feel a certain way, look a certain way, or overcome a certain negative feeling or occurrence in their life.
Let’s say that in unpacking this, we discover that this is a mom who recently had a baby and feels distressed that she hasn’t returned to her “old body.” She has been scrolling a lot on instagram and sees many women with babies exercising. A lot. Maybe even every day! It seems like the perfect solution. An hour workout at the gym every day will solve the problem. She’ll lose the weight, feel better about herself and it seems so simple.
Until she tries it. So many of the women who have come to me have big goals, dreams, and plans, and are so discouraged when they don’t happen as fast as they desire.
The root of this woman’s desire is to feel good about herself.
Do we know for sure that exercise will make her feel good about herself?
Do we know for sure that losing 30 pounds will make her feel good about herself?
I for one believe that moving our bodies does make almost everyone feel better. To an extent. Forcing hour long workouts at a gym when you’re sleep deprived or don’t enjoy the type of exercise you’re doing may seem like a means to an end, but I love to start small and add on.
A few examples of how she might start with goals that are realistic for her life and actually help her reach her goal of feeling better about herself are:
Going to the gym three times a week to work with a trainer who will help her see progress and set goals that can be achieved along the way
Joining a group exercise studio so she can socialize, see progress in her ability to participate in the classes—attend 3-5 times a week to various classes
Beginning with 15 minute workouts at home and gently progressing and adding on as she has the capacity each week
Obviously we need a little more specificity, but these are just a sampling of what it could look like to simplify her original goal by understanding the root desire behind it, and beginning with starter steps that may be more attainable for her phase of life.
Oversimplifying this woman’s goal might look like just telling her to “move her body often”, something we hear a lot as “just move more and eat less.” This advice is rarely helpful as it doesn’t give a definitive action plan, it is potentially not even true, and it doesn’t address her current life situation or the motivation behind her goal. It also does not take into account how she is currently moving or fueling her body already.
Overall, each time you think about setting a goal, remember that it should be individual to you and your lifestyle, and take the time to consider the why behind your desired outcome!
Was this helpful? I’d love to show more examples of what this might look like, so reach out to me on social media or via email if you’d enjoy reading more breakdowns like this one.
Do you have your own goals you’re working towards but constantly finding yourself shooting past the mark? Reach out! I’d love to help you come up with a simple goal to try out—no strings attached!
